Just thought I'd give everyone a quick update before Christmas.

I saw my heart specialist on Friday. The good news is that the drugs I'm taking haven't affected my liver or thyroid (which is the main side effect). The bad news is that I'm still not in rhythm. As I mentioned previously, should the drugs not get me back into rhythm then the next step is to go in to the hospital and get zapped. However before that happens the last ditch attempt is to basically overdose me on the drugs to shock my heart into beating properly again.

So I'll be taking 10 times my normal dosage tonight. Hopefully I'll wake up in rhythm but honestly at this point I'm just hoping I wake up. It should be an interesting night either way.

For Christmas we decided against driving up to Edmonton and will be flying instead. I just don't need the stress right now and Chris especially doesn't need to be stressed out. On the weekend we went to Chuck & Tracy's (who we had a terrific time visiting) and the fog was really bad and she got very upset - she's still traumatized by the accident and stressors such as that just trigger her emotions and fears of that day.

The good news is flying won't set us back that much as we managed to get flights using Air Miles. Otherwise it would have cost us $1500 between the flight and car rental. Nothing like completely gouging the consumer at this time of year. Truly pathetic.

So this will likely be my last post until after the holidays......hopefully.

Merry Christmas from our family to yours!

Update: Well 4 hours in and I seem to be ok. I felt really out of it initially and then I fell asleep for a bit. I still feel a bit odd, but overall not as bad as I feared.

Even though winter still hasn't officially arrived it's a winter wonderland outside.

I'm counting down the days until Dec 21st. What's so important about that date you ask? It's Winter Solstice which means the days will start getting longer again. I hate this time of year mostly because of the lack of sunlight. I find it really affects me in a bad way and makes me irritable and depressed. So far I thought I'd been coping well this year, but with the past week's blast of winter I think it triggered my seasonal bout of being down in the dumps. And it's not just me. I've noticed that friends, family, and co-workers have been rather short tempered lately.

As a result both Chris & I are really looking forward to our cruise in February. If nothing else, just being able to be somewhere warm will be a welcome change.

Speaking of holidays, we finally got our insurance money from having to cancel our trip to St. Lucia because of Chris' accident. The $7000 is definitely burning a hole in my pocket, but we've discussed things and are going to be financially prudent and use it to pay down some of our debt. Rates will definitely be rising in the near future and I think there's the very real chance that a lot of people are going to be in bad shape in a couple years. Therefore we're going to try and position ourselves to be in a good position financially should the worst come to be.

Not much else is new. Other than being stressed out from the commute to work this past week it's been fairly uneventful. We already have all our Christmas shopping done for the most part and it's just a matter of picking up odds and ends. And although Chris says she hasn't been feeling it so far this year, I could tell she needed to do something Christmas-ey a few days ago so I brought up the decorations and she spruced up the place. We also went and bought a Christmas decoration for the front yard. Because nothing says Christmas like a hippo in a tutu :)

Stay Warm!

It's Saturday morning, I've had my morning coffee, Chris is in the kitchen making pancakes. Yup, life is pretty good.

First an update on my health. Since being on the new medication, for the most part I feel great. As I told my Mom when I talked to her I can't remember feeling this good for at least the past 3 or 4 years. However, I don't know if I'm 'fixed' yet and I'll have to wait for an EKG to verify. But honestly, even if I'm not, the fact that I'm able to feel like a 'normal' person makes me extremely happy.

One bad thing is that I'm not really supposed to drink while on this medication. And the few times I've given it a go I've felt extremely crappy afterwards. That really sucks, especially with our cruise coming up in a few months. That said, I've lost almost 15 pounds so I guess that's the silver lining.

Yesterday we went to 'the mall' for the first time. Overall it's a pretty decent place although I still think the location is a bit odd. It's still no West Edmonton Mall but it's nice to have something much closer to where we live. The Bass Pro shop was especially cool though I had mixed feelings as I'm generally against hunting. Chris & I managed to get a lot of our Christmas shopping done and rack up the points on our Visa. On the way home I caught a whiff of a really cool smell as we passed by one of the kiosks. Almost $200 later I walked away with a bag full of scented goodness and atomizing nebulizers. Of course it didn't hurt that the sales woman was pretty cute. Strangely Chris hadn't noticed that aspect.

While I had carried most of the bags around Chris was still pretty tired when we got home. She had a bit of a breakdown that night at Physio and I feel bad that unlike the majority of her appointments, this time I wasn't there to comfort her. While she's progressing really well in her recovery she's understandably really tired of it all. It's pretty pathetic that she can't even hug me properly which is something we did on an almost daily basis before. But she went out with some friends from work last night and hopefully that lifted her spirits somewhat.

This weekend I'm just going to spend my time relaxing as the past week has been extremely stressful at work. I won't go into details but let's just say the recession finally caught up with us. It was the second worst day I've had in the 11 years I've worked there and frankly I had to struggle to keep it together for most of the day. But I'm also extremely thankful that I dodged a bullet which would have changed my life in ways that I don't even want to dwell upon.

Holy cow! I can't believe it's November already.

Of course that means that Halloween has come and gone.

This year we held one of our famous soirees and it was a great time. Unfortunately some people cancelled as they weren't feeling well - damn you man made H1N1 virus! - but we still had a large turnout.

Chris, because of her still being all messed up from the accident however wasn't really feeling it this year and was a bit in the dumps because of it. So I partied hard on her behalf :) A big thanks to everyone who came out!

Three things happened today which made it a very 'good day'.

First, the NE portion of the ring road is finally open! I drove past it just after it had opened up to traffic. I'm going to go that route on my way to work tomorrow and check it out. It should make my life less stressful as I won't have to endure the horrors of Deerfoot and I'll be able to avoid all the traffic lights of Barlow Trail. That's the theory anyway.

Second, I picked up my map (third times the charm apparently) and it's absolutely gorgeous! I could not be more ecstatic at how well it turned out. As a quick recap, I wanted a world map to put on my office wall where Chris and I could put pins in all the cities and countries that we've visited in our travels. I won't go into all the frustrating details, but basically a place I went to downtown messed it up and the second map I ordered arrived damaged. When the third map finally arrived I took it to a different place called Digital Projections. I was a bit concerned as the company is operated out of the basement of a house but Chris and I met with the owner and was impressed by his work. So now, literally months later and a stupid amount of wasted money later I finally have my map.

Third, I've started my new medication and while last night was pretty scary - weird pains and feelings in my heart that I've never experienced before - today I felt really good. One thing I found out when we visited the specialist last Friday was that if the medication doesn't succeed in getting me back into normal rhythm, before going in to the hospital to get shocked as a last resort they would try giving me a converting dosage - basically OD'ing me to try and force the issue. So I was happy to hear that as in my mind it gives me one more chance before the drastic final attempt at fixing me.

Here's the Halloween pix:

Ho hum, another lazy Sunday.

Chris is napping right now so I thought I'd do a quick update. She's a bit mad at her physio guy as he really worked her hard at her last appointment and she's still hurting from it. Earlier we went and took some recycling in to the recycle center and then did some running around before coming home for the day.

We're both excited for Halloween and it looks like there will be a really good turn out at our party this year. Alpha will also be using our event to setup his first official memory booth - similar to what he had at our wedding but new and improved. I wonder if he'd get mad at me for doing the 'spill your drink on the screen' test? Of course we're going to have the place decorated up but we've agreed we won't go crazy this year. Neither of us have the energy to spend a week cleaning up afterwards.

I'm still doing ok. I have to go for a pulmonary test on Friday. That's where they basically check out how well your lungs function. The test is a prerequisite before I start taking Amiodarone - which I'll also start taking as of Friday. So in a few days I'll be starting down the path which will hopefully return my life to some semblance of normality. Fingers crossed.

Speaking of medical stuff, Chris had previously asked the hospital for the X-rays of her broken arm and shoulder. We were expecting just that, her latest X-rays. But whether on purpose or by accident, the CD she received has all her X-rays plus her MRI scans from the past decade. I went through them all and picked out some of the more interesting ones below. Warning - if you're at all squeamish don't look at them.

Well things are somewhat better now I guess.

I'm not as upset and depressed as I was before which is good. Still, we'd be coming back from our vacation today - something that we try not to dwell upon.

We've decided to pursue legal action against the guy who hit Chris and have already met with the lawyers once already and have another meeting scheduled in a couple of weeks. However the sad reality is that even if we win a judgment against the other guy the lawyers take 33%, we also have to pay 7% of any of their office expenses leading up to a settlement, and of course we still have to pay GST on top of everything. We also might not get anything for a couple years as the whole process could take that long. Still, at least we're not taking things lying down.

Chris is going to physio twice a week and her range of motion is improving however she's still in constant pain and popping lots of pills just to cope. As for me I'm generally feeling pretty good. I go for my almost daily walks which in addition to being healthy I find is also therapeutic. It gives me a chance to just be in my own world and let my thoughts drift where they may.

I've started my treatment of blood thinners. I was a bit apprehensive as I am whenever I take any new drug but so far I haven't noticed any side effects. I've now obtained the proper dosage to keep my blood at the thickness that they want. Basically it takes 2.5 times longer for my blood to clot than it does for a normal person. I need to be on blood thinners because if after six weeks of being on Amiodarone (to try and get my heart back in normal rhythm) the medication hasn't worked I'll be going into the hospital where they will attempt to shock my heart back into normality. And doing so carries the risk of causing a stroke.

So either the medication works and I'm back to normal or they try the shock method and it works or I won't be around to worry about it anyways.

I've spent the past few weeks getting the house ready for winter. We had a furnace cleaning company come out and clean the ducts. I also made sure the humidifier pad was replaced and is working, patched some more holes I found on the main hot air trunk, and caulked the front room window to stop any drafts. I also contacted a company that specializes in small jobs to come do some framing downstairs. Their framing guy was going to swing by one day to do an estimate but never showed up. When I called the dispatch person they said they'd find out what the deal was and call me back - which they never did.

Sigh. It's like you either have to do everything yourself or spend $100,000 to get it done professionally. There is just no middle ground in this damn city.

Chris and I had an agreement, a so called two year plan, where we would get out of debt and then decide if we were going to move, build a new house, or renovate. Well it looks like that's not going to happen now. There's a lot of uncertainty with my job currently, uncertainty that is likely to last for much longer than just a couple of years. So despite everyone else I work with seemingly going out and buying fancy new homes I'd have to be an idiot to follow suit.

Great, now I'm depressed again.

The last couple of weeks have been extremely hard. It'll probably seem like I'm throwing myself a pity party, but I don't care. Either I vent on here or I end up punching holes in the walls and losing it.

Right now I'm mad at the world. I feel cheated. Our trip to St. Lucia was supposed to be therapeutic. It was a chance for me to enjoy life before the final push towards getting myself healthy again. It was also an opportunity for Chris and I to spend quality time together in a completely relaxed atmosphere.

But that chance has been taken away from us. The last of my holidays have been used up taking care of Chris and I can now look forward to Winter - the God awful drudgery of Winter - 90 minute commutes to work and where cold and lack of sunlight send me into deep depression. Just a never ending, daily, mundane, head smashing, routine with no break at all.

I knew looking after Chris would be difficult - but this has been harder than I imagined. It's like taking care of a child all over again. Every morning I get up and I help wash her, I dress her, I comb her hair, I put on her braces, then I have to feed her, and then I have about 15 minutes for myself before I have to help her into the car and go to our various appointments.

Ah yes, the appointments. Every bloody day for the past two weeks it's been the doctors, the hospital, life insurance, the lawyers, physio, trips to the pharmacy - and then there's my appointments on top of it - every 2 days going to get blood work - can't drink, can't have a bath, better not get a cold because I can't take anything for it, stick the needle in the other arm because this one's bruised all to hell, oh your pills don't seem to be working I guess we'll keep upping the dosage - I'm now taking 10 pills a day.

I've been so close to snapping all week. I can't stand incompetent people and now it's to the point where I'll outright yell at them either on the phone or in person and tell them that they're fucking idiots. I don't care anymore. It's just a never ending series of minor annoyances that keep building upon each other and with my current state of mind escalated all out of proportion.

Worst of all I find myself taking my frustrations out on Chris who obviously isn't deserving of any of it. But I have absolutely no outlet. I don't want to go anywhere, I don't want to do anything, I don't want to see anyone, I don't want to even get up in the morning.

Things were finally looking up, I was feeling great, feeling positive, Chris was happy, she was doing great at work, and then bam, everything changed in an instant. Now not a day goes by where Chris isn't in tears over the situation and I'm not ready to smash something in a fit of pure anger.

And in a few days I'll be back at work and she'll have to somehow manage without me.

Frankly I just wish I could erase the past 12 months of my life.

On Saturday Chris & Kim Nott were driving home from Tracy's in the morning and they got rear ended by a truck (of course) - this in turn pushed Kim's car into the one in front of them. Once the dust settled Kim was banged up and Chris & the guy in the vehicle in front were taken away in an ambulance.

Jamie called me in the morning and in a purposefully calm voice told me that they had been in an accident. The first thought that went through my head was 'ya ok', the second thought was 'dude that's not even funny', and the third was 'oh, he's serious'. He swung by and we were going to go to the crash site but then I found out that Chris was being taken away in an ambulance and we didn't know which hospital she was going to. So I told Jamie to go ahead without me and once I knew what hospital Chris was at I'd go see her.

I called Kim and thankfully she insisted I didn't drive and left to come get me. Not being able to contact Chris, not knowing what her injuries were and having to wait until I found out where she was headed was agony. I've honestly never been so scared in my life. After what seemed like an eternity Kim Nott called and told me Chris had been taken to Peter Lougheed hospital and that although she was hurt it wasn't life threatening. Kim and Amber came by not long after and we left for the hospital.

The end result of all this is that Chris had a dislocated shoulder which they popped back in place after putting her under, she has several fractures in her right arm & shoulder and she's now in a brace for at least six weeks, plus she's looking at having to undergo Physio for another 12 weeks after that. But while her right arm and shoulder are messed up her left one is as well. She can't raise or extend her left arm and she has some loss of feeling. We thought maybe it was just bruised, but after seeing her family doctor today she was told that her rotator cuff is likely torn and she'll probably have to have surgery to fix it. The doctor also advised us to get a personal injury lawyer as she faces a long road to recovery.

Normally I abhor people who automatically sue over everything, however I found out one thing which really pisses me off. According to Kim & Jamie, the guy who rear ended them and is responsible for this mess, admitted to being in a hurry because he had already missed two appointments that day and was on his way to a third. And then despite having sent two different people to hospital in an ambulance (the other guy in a stretcher with spinal injuries no less), he had the nerve to ask one of the policemen in an annoyed tone 'if he could leave already'.

You know what buddy? Fuck you! You've ruined Chris' life for who knows how long, she can't work, she can't drive, she can't get dressed, she can't even go to the bathroom without help. You've also ruined our dream vacation to St. Lucia which we've now had to cancel. And you've added an enormous amount of stress to my life at a time when I'm already under lots of stress because of my own health issues.

So I'm going to talk to an injury lawyer and if they feel that we have a case then I'm going to sue that piece of shit for everything he has.

I was about to say that a huge weight had been lifted from me, but one phone call later it's back again, somewhat.

Let me explain. Tomorrow I was scheduled to go to the hospital and have an Angiogram. The past few days have been very stressful as I've been dreading this procedure. While this is generally a safe procedure it is not without risk - if it was without risk they wouldn't have you sign a waiver absolving the doctors and/or hospital in the event of any 'complications'.

After doing a bunch of research, I also discovered that you are subjected to very high doses of radiation - in some cases equivalent to 750 chest X-Rays or to put in another perspective equivalent to what victims of the Hiroshima and Nagasaki bombings experienced. Even worse is the fact that the younger you are the more likely this procedure is to cause cancer down the road. For example, a person in their 20's is 50% more likely to develop cancer from this than someone in their 40's.

Now the percentages are still relatively small, but if I don't need this test done then why put myself through the risk?

A few weeks ago I went and had a MRI and that very much factored into my thinking. I didn't want to have the Angiogram until after I got the results of the MRI - because in the best case scenario I was hoping the MRI would be sufficient to diagnose what's going on with me. As for the MRI itself, it was not a pleasant experience.

I never thought I was claustrophobic, but 30 minutes in I really had to struggle not to lose it. You're essentially stuck in a tube that runs the length of your body and you have at most an inch of clearance around you. That combined with the stress of being hooked up to various leads, having an IV in me, not knowing if I'd react badly to the contrast fluid that they pump into you, continuously having to take deep breaths and then hold them, and having heavy duty noise reduction headphones on that left me in a semi state of sensory deprivation was a fairly traumatic event.

But what bothered me the most was knowing, no, actually experiencing, what Chris has had to endure several times now. I felt so bad for her.

So when I got home from work I called and cancelled my appointment. Afterwards I felt an immediate sense of relief and went for a walk to collect my thoughts. When I got back there was a message from the lady at the AF clinic whom I've been dealing with. I probably should have called her first and immediately felt bad for not doing so - but part of me was also afraid that she'd talk me into keeping the appointment. So after awhile I called her back to explain my decision.

It turns out she had just gotten the results from the MRI and had forwarded them to the specialist doctor to review. Thankfully she was understanding of my decision. I've arranged to meet her and the doctor after we get back from St. Lucia and go over the results in greater detail and discuss my options. From what she was able to tell me the MRI has shown that I'm not suffering from Myocarditis which is a form of heart disease caused by a virus. She also said there were no signs of scarring. But the bad news is that even though I've been diligently taking my medication my heart rate has continued to creep back up - it was in the high 90's during my test. I'm apparently building up a sort of resistance to the medication.

So that's the latest with my health. If nothing else at least it's progress.

I can't believe that summer is almost over. Ya I know, you're all telling me to 'zip it', but it's true.

I know there's still a few more weeks left, but looking back I'd have to say that overall it was a pretty good summer this year. We went to Alaska, we went camping, got to spend lots of time with friends and family and for the most part the weather was decent.

Speaking of camping, we went to our favorite campsite in Kananaskis a few weeks ago. Last time we were there it was in June and we froze our asses off - it even snowed! So this year when we booked it long ago we figured August would be a safe bet. Nope. Crappy weather once again. Next time we'll split the difference and pick July.

I will say I enjoyed myself much more this time than last. The Friday night was pretty crappy and cold, but Saturday wasn't bad. It helped that we had pretty much tarped the entire campground. Lindsay came down that weekend and I had a great time with her. I can't believe that she'll be 18 in just over a year! It seems like only yesterday that I was teaching her how to swim, taking her to her first day of school etc. and soon she'll be an adult. Man I feel old. Anyways, pictures of our camptastic experience can be found here.

This past weekend Jay & Betty came down for a visit. While we missed them not bringing their little man it was obvious that they needed some adult time and we were glad we could help out. Jamie came over on Friday night and we all jammed to Rock Band. I tried the drums for really the first time and channeled my inner Neil Peart. Strangely Jamie's playing got worse as the night went on. Last night an impromptu BBQ broke out and Jamie & Kim, Michael & Kristian, and Kimmy dropped by. I sparked up the firepit for the first time this year and we shot the shit until early in the morning.

Finally as most of you know Leanne's mother Deloriann recently passed away. We went to her wake which was held at the beginning of the month and had a great time. I had only met her mom a few times but she seemed like a terrific person. Much alcohol was consumed and by the end of the night a lot of raw emotion spilled out. In a weird way I'm glad I was there for that as I feel it brought me a bit closer to Leanne and her family.

Well we're back home!

We had an amazing time but I'm glad to be back home with our kitties. Apparently it was smoking hot while we were gone which is ironic because for most of our trip it was smoking hot there as well.

Again a big thank you for Jamie and family for looking after things while we were gone. We are extremely grateful for their help!

After having cruised in the Caribbean, Europe, and now Alaska do I have a favourite? Not really. Each is terrific in it's own way. That said, we still haven't been to the Mediterranean which will be our next big cruise in a couple years. Anyways, details of our adventures can be found here. We took over 500 photos so obviously I won't be posting them all on here. Chris will however put some up on Facebook. A selection of pictures can be found here.

And yes, I still feel like I'm on the ship although my 'land sickness' isn't nearly as bad as when we got back from Europe.

Enjoy!

Thought I'd do a quick update as this will likely be my last post until after we get back from Alaska.

Alaska? Yes, Alaska. We leave on Friday morning for a week of exploring our neighbor to the north. Chris and I are both really excited and looking forward to getting away. Originally we were going to go next Summer, but we took advantage of some really good deals and booked it on the spur of the moment. Besides the destination which we've never been to before, the other cool thing is that we'll be going on a Princess cruise ship. To date we've only ever cruised with Carnival. In addition to Kim & Hailey, my parents are also going - I can't remember the last time I went on a holiday with them - so it'll be good spending some quality time with them. We'll be sure to take lots of pictures and post them on here when we get back.

This past weekend we were at a wedding which was held at a cool spot half way to Banff. Chris' step sister Kari was the one getting hitched. It was a lovely ceremony at a beautiful location. As I jokingly posted on Facebook, weddings aren't nearly as stressful when you're not the one getting married. We stayed the night at the resort and partied it up pretty good, but turned in fairly early unlike some of the family (Carlie) who stumbled to their rooms at almost 6am.

Congrats to Kari and Jefferson!

On Friday I went and saw the Amiodarone specialist. Amiodarone is the drug they want me to go on to try and return my heart to a normal rhythm. As I mentioned previously I haven't wanted to go on it for fear of everything I've read about it and the potentially severe side effects.

After talking with the doctor I felt much better about the whole thing. Essentially the drug has developed a bad reputation over the years due to it being improperly administered. He assured me that while on it I'd be continually monitored to ensure I was at the proper dosage. He also mentioned that one of his patients had been in AF for 10 years and after being on the drug had come out of it - he did say that was an exceptional case but it still gave me a bit of hope.

I explained my situation and my history to him and asked if in the grand scheme of things delaying treatment for another 2 months would matter to which he replied that it wouldn't. So what I've decided is that when we get back from St. Lucia I'm going to put my faith in this specialist and in this drug. This will allow me to enjoy my holiday as we originally planned it - a chance to just rest and enjoy ourselves and not worry about my health. Then when I'm back I'll take this thing head on.

The general plan is that I'll be on it for at least six months. During that time I'll hopefully revert to a normal rhythm although it's unlikely - then at the end of the six months I'll go into the hospital and they'll try shocking my heart to convert me. To reduce the chance of a stroke during that procedure I'll have to go on blood thinners beforehand. Assuming that it works and that I don't have a stroke or flatline they'll likely keep me on the drug for a year afterwards - they do this so that the heart has time to 'relearn' how to beat normally and which point they can discontinue the medication and I can live out the rest of my life in normalcy.

That's the theory anyway.

Yup, it's that time of year again......Yahoo!

Ten days of inflated prices, crappy food that you have to wait hours in line for, and staggering drunks picking fights and cheating on their spouses.

Actually the one thing I like about the Stampede is that I get to wear jeans at work. Also, the grandstand shows are usually pretty good. Other than that the whole thing is kinda gay.

Oh, and this year there's the big controversy with animal rights groups protesting how cruel the whole thing is. Whether it is or not is besides the point. What I find extremely annoying is when outsiders be they Liberal whiners from the GTA or tree huggers from BC come here and tell us what to do. Methinks they should round the protesters up, dress them in red, and let the bulls chase them. But that's just my humble opinion.

Canada Day was pretty subdued this year. We had some friends and family over for a BBQ, but Kim didn't make it, Alpha had to work all night, and the weather (and fireworks) sucked. In hindsight it was probably good as I had to work the next day.

Chris and I are counting down the days until we go on our Alaska cruise. I'm starting to get very excited as I've been wanting to visit up north for awhile now. A few years ago I was stuck in Fort St. John for a weekend and I seriously contemplated driving up to the Yukon which would have been an 8 hour drive. The fact that I'd then have to drive back nixxed that plan however. So this will be great, I'll get to see the north from the comfort of our suite on the cruise ship!

Earlier in the week I had another meeting with my heart specialists. First the good news. The medications I've been taking have been working - my enlarged heart has shrunk somewhat and the amount of blood I'm pumping out has improved somewhat. Now the bad news. I found out that surgery probably isn't an option because my heart is damaged - severely reducing the chance of success.

They are still quite perplexed why someone my age has this problem. It's the chicken and the egg situation, did Atrial Fibrillation (AF) cause my damaged heart or did my damaged heart cause the AF? So to try and determine what else might be screwed up and/or to rule out any more damage they are going to send me for a MRI and an Angiogram (which is where they inject me with dye to determine any blocked arteries or veins).

So what all this means is that the only option I have of returning to normalcy is to take medication to try and restore a normal rhythm. Which is the one option I was hoping to avoid as the drug they want me to take has such serious side effects - sunlight sensitivity, vision problems, lung problems, liver problems, thyroid problems etc. etc. They did mention one other drug that I wasn't aware of. The benefit is a much shorter treatment period but the downside is it's less effective overall and has a nasty tendency of inducing a heart attack - which is why you have to stay in the hospital for at least three days while they start the treatment and monitor you around the clock.

So it looks like taking Amiodarone is my only realistic chance.

I've been upset and depressed the past few days because I've done the research and I know that my chance isn't really much of a chance at all. Assuming a healthy heart and being in AF for less than 12 months at best you're looking at a 40% chance of success. I'm already pushing at least 10 months being in this condition and I've possibly been in it for much longer. I'm going to take Chris' suggestion and try and be positive, but I need her and everyone else to know what odds I'm facing.

If that doesn't work then they'll put me on blood thinners for a month and I'll go into the hospital and they'll try and shock my heart back into a normal rhythm (and I'll take the chance it doesn't cause a stroke).

Finally, they are going to arrange for me to meet the doctor who'll be prescribing me the medication and who is the only person in Western Canada (maybe all of Canada) qualified to administer this drug. I'll need to figure out the timing as to when to start taking it, what precautions to take while we're in St. Lucia, and even if I should cancel our trip or not.

On to other things...

Partly to keep my mind occupied with something else and partly to take advantage of a few days off I put up some lattice on the deck. Alpha lent me his power saw and offered to help, but I wanted to do it myself. I'm glad I did because it gave me a sense of accomplishment while also reinforcing why such work should be left to the professionals :) It's still not quite done as I want to put up some boards which will cover where the seams meet but overall I'm quite happy with it!

Snow in June who'd have thunk it? I guess maybe the City knew something we didn't as they still haven't cleaned the streets yet...

I wish I had something positive and uplifting to say, but I got nothing. I'm not in an overly great state of mind right now. Frustration, sadness, resignation is the order of the day.

I just got back from a quick trip up to Edmonton to do some work stuff. Thursday night I hung out with Jay, Betty, and their little dude and watched the hockey game. It was fun watching Nathaniel. He's talking now and considering his parents it looks like he's well on his way to being a genius (no pressure though). On Friday, before coming back I met my parents for lunch. They told me some pretty devastating news that I haven't really come to grips with yet.

I guess this must be the shit time of my life as everyone I know around me is dealing with death or illness.

And it really sucks that I'm all alone in this. I don't have any brothers or sisters or family left to help me deal with things. It's all on me. And I'm such a shit excuse of a person for people to have to rely upon me. Chris has MS yet most of the time it's her taking care of me for fuck sakes.

I guess we'll see what happens. The day that I always knew would eventually arrive but which I refused to think about might arrive soon, or it may still be awhile yet.

We took the cats in for their annual checkup last week and found out that JC had to get some teeth extracted. With cats it's a somewhat risky procedure as they have to be put under and it really is akin to an operation. They had to do bloodwork and run a bunch of tests to make sure everything was working properly so she wouldn't have an adverse reaction to the anesthetic. We've also been giving her antibiotics so that she doesn't develop an infection.

We picked her up after the surgery was done and brought her home. It was equally sad and amusing to watch her stumble around as she was still groggy and messed up. The whole procedure cost us close to $1000 but at least we got a nice tote bag and a small toothbrush. Oh! And they also took photos of the procedure and let us keep her extracted teeth. Here's a pic:

Well we're home from Vegas. When we left it was 40 degrees and when we got home it was 4 degrees with snow in the forecast. It was good to be back but that part definitely was a letdown.

Both Chris and I had fun, however it was a bit different vibe this time. While we partied it up the first two nights overall things were a bit more subdued this trip - partly because it was so hot, partly because Chris was having issues, and maybe partly because this was our 4th visit there.

Instead of flying directly there we detoured to Vancouver to pick up Carlie. While we were waiting to board we realized we were were travelling with a celebrity - Corbin Bernsen - who has appeared in numerous TV shows (LA Law) and movies (Major League). He seemed like an ok guy but kept to himself.

In a case of 'it's a small world', we ran into Jaime and Dwight at the airport who were also going to Vegas. We chatted with them for a bit, but despite our best intentions we just couldn't seem to get our ducks in a row to do something with them while we were in Sin City.

The first night we met Dennis and Fran at the Piano Bar in Harrah's. I was exhausted having been up at 5:30am to catch the plane so I really wasn't in the mood to party much but I soldiered on and at some point the booze kicked in and I started having fun. I was especially enthralled by this moderately hot blonde across from our table who seemed to be continually bending over and showing me her rather nice thong underwear. Strangely enough the more drunk she got the less attractive she seemed.

The next day we hopped on the bus and walked down the strip for a bit. The heat was really kicking the crap out of us and we went into the Irish pub in New York, New York at which point Chris almost passed out and we had to get some cold water into her in a hurry. That night we hooked up with a coworker and his wife. They had won a week's stay down there and it was a happy coincidence that they were there at the same time. We met them on Freemont Street where we quickly proceeded to down several yard high squishy drinks. Needless to say we all got really drunk and had a great time.

The third day was pretty subdued as we were all a bit hung over. During the day we went to the shops in Caesar's Palace and stocked up on soap from Bath & Body Works. Chris and I also did some gambling at Paris and for dinner Chris, Kim, and I went to The Outback for dinner. It happened to be across the street from the volcano at the Mirage hotel, so technically we got to see the show which was one of the things we wanted to do this visit.

The last day was mostly spent packing and preparing to leave. We went to the airport fairly early and wasted some more money at the airport hoping for a big win to send us home. Of course it didn't happen. The plane ride back was uneventful except for the hag in front of me who continually coughed the entire trip (if I get sick I vow to hunt her down and punch her in the head). We landed and got home around 1:30am.

While it was good to get away I think the next time we go we're going to stay in a fancy, pancy room in a top notch hotel and plan out what we want to do a bit better.

Here's some pix of the fun:

Ha! I totally timed my walk perfectly. Just as I got home the heavens opened up and it's now pouring out. Tis that time of year I supposed.

Chris is napping right now as she's not feeling good. I felt like crap yesterday and was feeling guilty that I bailed on going to a party event that Tracy was having. But apparently the entire neighborhood showed up to her place so now I don't feel bad.

Hopefully Chris and I get all of our feeling unwell out of the way now as we'll be in Vegas partying it up next week.

We're really looking forward to it. Apparently it's scorching hot there right now. The neat thing about this trip is that all the sisters (Chris, Kim, Carlie) and myself are going and we're all staying in the 'high roller' suite at the Imperial Palace. That might sound impressive but anyone who's stayed at the Imperial Palace knows it's pretty dated. Still, we've stayed in that room in the past and it's a great value and it's also huge. Most importantly we like being at that end of the strip as there's lots of really cool places close by.

I got the scare of a lifetime last week when I got a phone call from an alarm company telling me my parent's house was being broken into. I called home and there was no answer and I instantly started to panic. I called the RCMP up there and they told me the call was in their queue and they'd get to it when they got to it because it wasn't a high priority for them. So here I am freaking out, not able to get a hold of my parents, not knowing any of the neighbors phone numbers, and having the police tell me they didn't really care. I ended up calling Jay and he got his Dad to go over and have a look and after an agonizing wait they called me back and told me everything looked ok.

Thankfully it was a false alarm and it looks like it was the stupid dog which set it off. But what really upset me the most was the fact that it took the cops over an hour to respond. What if it had been real and my parents had been home at the time? This perfectly illustrates my contention that you cannot rely upon the police to protect you. They are much to busy doing vital work like handing out speeding tickets than to bother protecting you and your family. And as recent court decisions have shown your life is only worth a couple years of jail time for the bad guys anyway. Ultimately the only one who can protect you and your family is yourself.

Sadly our household is now down to seven as one of our crabs is no more. We think Brutus, our big bully of a crab might have eaten Heidi. I caught her going to town on Heidi's shell and when I pulled her away there was just partial remains inside. I'm not entirely sure what happened. Usually when a crab dies it comes out of its shell to do so. One possibility is that Heidi was molting and didn't survive the process. We'll never really know what happened. Now we have to figure out if we're going to get any more or not.

Anyways this will be my last update until after we get back from Vegas. We'll be sure to take lots of pictures and post them on here.

Stay safe!

Update

I don't know how she did it, but on our way to bed I noticed Heidi's old shell had moved from where it last was. I asked Chris if she had moved it and she hadn't. So we picked it up and yay!! there was a crab inside! We're both so happy, relieved, and bewildered all at the same time. That shell was empty and I had also checked all the other shells. She must have buried herself in the sand when she molted and is now safely back in her home. Brutus is still a bully however :)

Wow, almost a month since my last update. Tsk, tsk.

I haven't had time to update because I've been so freakin busy with life. No actually that's not true. If things were any more boring I'd slip into a coma. I guess I haven't updated in awhile because not a lot has been going on lately and honestly I'm ok with that.

I did get up to Edmonton for a week to do some work stuff. While I was there I got to hang out with Jay for a bit. One night I went over and played Rock Band. Another night we went out for beers and watched one of the hockey games. It was good just hanging out with him. It's been way to long since we've done that.

I drove my new car up there as I wanted to show it to my parents who haven't seen it yet and also just to take it out on the Highway. On the way home coming up to Airdrie I noticed there was no one around me so I floored it. On my Grand Am the speed limiter cuts out the engine at around 170 km/hr and I was curious to see how fast I could go in my G8 before it kicked in. Well I still don't know if I have a limiter or not as I got it up to 210km/hr before deciding to quit my experiment. It was really gusty that day and frankly I think if I had gone any faster I might have gone airborne. So that was pretty fun.

Chris is doing really well at her work. There was awhile there where she was starting to get a bit discouraged as she wasn't getting any sales but now they're starting to come in so she's happy again. As for me, work is going ok. I'll be evaluating and implementing some new technology over the next couple months so I'm pretty excited about that. After awhile you start to get into a rut always doing the same stuff over and over again so the chance to bring in something leading edge has got me reinvigorated.

Health wise I'm still taking my pills. They're going to hook me up to another 24hr monitor in June just to verify the pills are working optimally, but really it's just a formality as all the EKG's and blood pressure tests I've had since then show my heart rate to be normal again. However I've been really dizzy lately. Every time I stand up I'll walk a few steps before having to hold onto something to stop from falling down. I've also found that if I don't get a good sleep I'm not just tired the next day but I'm completely wiped out and have to really fight to keep awake. Finally, during a follow up with my nurse she revealed to me that not being able to get it up was a common side effect of the medication and she wanted to know if I was having any 'man issues'.

Thankfully last time I checked my one eyed soldier was still willing to fight the good fight ;)

So this has been a pretty crappy week.

Last Thursday night I just completely lost it. All my worries about my health, about my job, mixed in a with a week full of annoyances and frustrations and fueled by booze all came crashing down on me at once and I simply snapped and flew into a blind rage.

The only thing going through my mind at the time was a desire to smash and destroy everything around me. Thankfully I happened to be in the basement so the damage was somewhat contained. Chris was there screaming at me to stop, she even smacked me across the face - and I don't even remember her being there.

In the process I stepped on something that I had smashed and sliced open one of my toes. After I had calmed down Chris patched me up as best she could but the next morning I got up and had a shower and there was blood everywhere. So we went to the clinic and they ended up putting 10 stitches in. Serves me right.

So I've been hobbling around unable to put a sock over my foot because it hurts so much, unable to put a shoe on, and somehow after the dump of snow we had trying not to get it wet.

But much worse than that was Chris having to see a side of me that I'm not very proud of.

As for my never-ending health issues, it's somewhat ironic that the guy who had to basically be dying to take medication is now taking 7 pills a day. That said, they seem to be working. It took me a few days to adjust to them, but now I'm no longer experiencing the side effects. I've had a few blood pressure tests and while my blood pressure is now all over the place my heart rate is better. It's gone from a high of almost 250 bpm to a low of 45 bpm.

Generally speaking I now feel better. There's moments when I'm like 'hey, so this is what it feels like to be normal again'. I've had another EKG and some more blood tests and am waiting to discuss the results with the specialist. As she told me, all of this is basically giving my heart a rest which will be beneficial (besides feeling better) should I decide to take the medication to try and get me back into rhythm.

Now if I could just take a pill to undo this past week...

Ok so I just finished meeting with the heart specialists. I'm writing this down partly to keep friends and family informed but also so that I can get it out while everything is still somewhat fresh in my memory.

They don't know why I have this condition, it's extremely rare for someone my age to have it, and we may never know what triggered it.

The doctor confirmed that my heart is enlarged and I've been in Atrial Fibrillation (AF) for several months now. My heart rate is also extremely fast. We looked at the results from my Holter Monitor which I wore for 24 hrs and during that time my heart rate hit a maximum of 244 bpm and I averaged about 180 bpm (70 is normal for an adult male). So in addition to being in constant fibrillation I am also experiencing Tachycardia. And when my heart pumps it doesn't pump out all the blood like it should.

This is why I constantly feel like shit all the time.

So I have a couple options. The first is to take some medication to slow my heart rate down. This won't stop my abnormal rhythm but it should make me feel better generally speaking. I've already agreed to this course of treatment and start my meds (4 different drugs) tomorrow. I'll be on them for approximately a month and then I'll undergo another round of tests to monitor their effectiveness.

In order to get me back into normal rhythm I can take some highly toxic medication which has some serious side effects. This drug may or may not work but it is the only non-surgical method to try and restore things to normal. The drug is also fairly new, so much so that in all of Alberta (maybe Canada?) there's only one doctor (who thankfully is with the clinic) qualified to prescribe it and to monitor it.

They can also try and shock my heart back into a normal rhythm but before they do that I have to go on blood thinners for several months beforehand as that procedure has the potential of causing a stroke. There's also a 50/50 chance that within a year I'd be out of rhythm again.

So what it boils down to is I can take some relatively safe drugs with minor side effects which should make me feel better but won't solve the problem. Or I can take some fairly dangerous drugs which require constant monitoring, have serious side effects, and which are a coin flip as to whether or not they would actually fix my condition. And should they fail my last resort would be heart surgery.

However the big caveat to all this is that the longer I wait to try and get back into a normal rhythm the less chance there is of it working. And we really don't know how long I've been in AF already - it's been at least 5 months, but it could be as long as several years.

So that's the decision which is before me now.

Wow. I can't believe it's March already. It seems like only yesterday I was celebrating New Years.

This past Saturday marked almost a year until everyone's Caribbean Cruise! To commemorate that fact we had most everyone who's going on the cruise over to celebrate. Of course the theme was a beach party and everyone came in their beach wear, drank various tropical drinks, and partied the night away. I think it was after 3am when we turned in. Chris and I had a great time and thanks to everyone who came out!

Speaking of vacations, we've booked our impromptu visit to St. Lucia! We're going to the Sandals Halycon Resort in the fall. Even better we're flying first class all the way and will be staying in the Honeymoon Luxury Oceanview Concierge Suite. Expensive? You bet. But sometimes you just need to say 'fuck it'.

We had our choice of three different Sandals resorts but we picked that one as it's more intimate, relaxed, and smaller than the other locations. After talking to the Sandals representative and also looking up reviews on Trip Advisor we decided that's what we wanted. And we're only a 15 minute shuttle ride from the larger resorts when we want to go get our fix of the hustle and bustle.

And yes we've accounted for this in our new budget. We've just decided to make the vacation portion of our budget really large :)

We met Alpha for brunch yesterday and as he's got the itch to buy a new kitten we went with him to Petland. While he was looking at cats I was looking at what they had for terrariums. Chris and I have been wanting to get a new environment for Sally for awhile now. He passed on the kitten but we came back with a new home for her.

It's so much better and functional than what she was in before. The doors in front swing open which makes it really easy to work inside it. There's also a mesh grill on top to allow air in. And the faux rock wall and plants came with it as well.

The soil is also partly made out of coconut husks and is supposed to be much better than the fake moss stuff we were using before. Keeping the soil most is how you introduce humidity to the environment and as it's like real dirt it's much more like what she'd encounter in nature.

It was definitely fun watching her explore her new world.

Finally, I'll be meeting with the heart specialists tomorrow. Last week they had me wear a 'Holter Monitor' which is basically a portable device hooked up to electrodes they stick on you and which monitors your heart readings for roughly 24 hours. So hopefully I'll get a better understanding from the experts as to what's going on and what my best course of treatment is.

Ho hum, another lazy Sunday.

Last night Chris, Kim, and I went to a Beach Party fundraiser event for Cancer. It was cosponsored by Chris' work and by the Tom Baker Cancer Center. She really wanted me to meet the people she works with and they definitely seem like a fun bunch. It was also good just to get out and do something different and the fact that it was for a good cause didn't hurt either.

Speaking of hurt. The saga of my root canal continues. As a quick recap this goes back almost a year when my dentist misdiagnosed that there was a problem. Since then I was in excruciating pain during our Europe vacation, the root canal they did when I got back got infected, I ended up being allergic to the drugs they gave me for the infection and developed a rash all over my body etc. etc. Fast forward to the past Friday when the dentist took the mold and put on a temporary filling.

It was probably a bad sign when it kept popping off when he was trying to file it down. Needless to say despite my being careful with it, it popped off yesterday morning. So I called the dentist at home and he said to pop it back on and come in Monday morning and he'd try and seal it again. Well later in the day it popped off yet again but this time I ended up breaking off a corner. So it's back on with a jagged corner which keeps cutting my tongue and as a result my tongue is swollen up and I sound um, what's the politically correct term? Oh ya, 'special' when I talk.

So now I'm supposed to put up with this thing which keeps coming off almost every time I eat (despite my best attempts not to chew on that side) for several weeks until my gold crown is ready.

Tonight Chris, Alpha, and I are going to a presentation put on by Sandal's Resorts. We're going to find out about how great they are and why our next vacation should be with them. In actuality we already know we're going to stay at a Sandals when we go to St. Lucia's later this year. But they have three different resorts on the island so we want to pick the spokesperson's brain as to the pros and cons of each location.

This time of year is my favorite as I get my share dividends. It's the time of the year when we look at how much money comes in and plan on how we're going to spend it throughout the remainder of the year. At least that's our intentions. The reality over the past few years is we usually end up pissing it away. So this time both Chris and I have committed to being smart and coming up with a budget and trying to stick to it.

One of our favorite shows which we started watching recently is called 'Till Debt Do Us Part'. The host helps families who are in financial difficulty get out of the hole they're in. I like it because it usually shows people who are a lot worse with money than we are which perversely makes me feel better about myself :) So Chris bought her book and we're going to try and follow her advice and see what kind of a difference it makes. I really want to get our basement done and short of refinancing our mortgage (which I won't do) that goal seems to be always just out of reach.

It feels odd being at home on a Saturday and Chris being at work. I still get a kick out of the fact that she's a travel agent. And she's doing really well as apparently she was fifth in sales overall this month. However because of the way things work she doesn't get paid until the people she sold to actually go on their trips. So for the most part there's a significant delay before she sees anything. But she seems to really be enjoying it and if she's happy then I'm happy.

What's that saying when giving someone bad news? Start off with something positive? Ok, check, I've done that.

This week has been really hard. Chris and I went and saw my doctor on Wednesday to get the results from all the tests on my heart. And they weren't good. I sat there in shock as I found out that I've already had at least one heart attack, possibly more. I've had an irregular heartbeat for months now. My lower left chamber is enlarged, possibly due to blood pooling from the irregular heartbeat and my lower right chamber isn't working completely normal either.

I'm also at significant risk of having a Stroke. My doctor then started listing a plethora of drugs that she wanted me to go on at which point denial kicked in and it was everything I could do to not just bolt out of her office as by that point I really didn't want to listen to her anymore.

So I pretty much spent the next couple days sad at the unfairness of it all and pondering my mortality. Like I flippantly told Jay, hey, at least it won't be Cancer that does me in. Since then I've been in contact with the Atrial Fibrillation Clinic who are specialists in this area. They seconded all the drugs my doctor wants me to go on and have scheduled me in for more blood work and another EKG on Monday.

The odds of someone my age having this condition are so astronomical that I might as well start buying lottery tickets. But after talking with my Mom about this there's also the possibility I've had this issue since birth and it's merely been dormant until the past few years.

For the longest time I've been saying that there was something wrong with me only to be told essentially that it was all in my head. So I've just put up with the dizziness, fatigue and generally feeling like shit. Now they know what the problem is and at only 37 I can look forward being medicated for the rest of my life. Even if the meds or surgery manage to bring me back into normal rhythm from what I've read there's over a 50% chance that it'd only be temporary.

Anyone who wants to read the medical jargon of what I'm going through can find it here.

With that in mind, Chris and I have been making vacation plans for this year. Originally I had a week booked off in the fall which I was just going to spend hanging around at home. Now however, we're looking at spending it at a resort in St. Lucia's - because as I was cruelly reminded of this week, life is to short.

You might not be aware of it because according to news sources the ONLY thing newsworthy on the entire planet today is Obama's inauguration, but interest rates in Canada dropped to their lowest point since 1958. And this time the banks have agreed to pass on the full cut.

So that's great news to anyone with a variable mortgage (like us). Since we've bought this house our monthly payments have dropped almost 35%. Even better it's expected the rate will drop another half a percent to 0.5% come March. After that they will start to rise again as obviously it's impossible for them to drop it any further. It might be tempting to lock in, but the banks (devious bastards that they are) have actually been RAISING their fixed rates over the past several months. So when we renew in July I think we'll stick with the variable and an option to switch to fixed.

Why focus on such a topic? Well with all the doom and gloom, the price of oil in the crapper, friends getting laid off etc. the possibility of getting laid off myself is definitely hanging over my head. So I'll take anything right now that benefits me financially.

This past weekend was a lot of fun. Jay came down for a visit and brought his Rock Band 2, complete with two guitars and drum kit. I've never played it nor Guitar Hero. I get the general concept but frankly always thought it looked kinda dumb. We had gone out for a yummy dinner with Jamie and Kim and when we got back we decided to give it a try with Kim & Hailey also swinging by. Well shit, 6 hours later we finally stopped playing. Needless to say it's a lot of fun!

The next day Chris, Jay, and I went to the zoo. Chris has found a photography buddy in Jay and they geeked out with their lens changes and ISO settings and all that jazz while taking pictures of all the furry creatures. I haven't been to the zoo for awhile, and while it's mostly all the same animals I still never get tired at looking at some of them, especially the snow leopard and the red pandas.

On Thursday I go for an ultrasound on my heart and then I'll arrange to see my doctor to discuss the results. I've actually felt not to bad for awhile now. I woke up early one morning and thought my heart had stopped. I was still half asleep but I felt really, really weird. I tried to find a pulse but couldn't and in my semi-daze wondered if I was about to bite it. It was a bizarre, surreal experience. However since then I've felt fine in that respect.

But as usual if it's not one thing it's another as I've been fighting some weird rash for over a month now. Its on my arms, my legs, my stomach. It itches like crazy and any of the creams I've been using haven't seemed to work. I've had trouble getting to sleep for awhile now as it bugs the hell out of me at night. In the morning while in the shower I'll usually give in and start scratching like crazy and for a moment I'll feel absolutely orgasmic until I stop and then the exquisite stinging kicks in. Sigh.

I really, really, really like my car :) After having passed the 500km engine break in period I decided to test it out by driving like a maniac on Deerfoot. Let's just say it has a whole other level beyond what's normal. It's absolutely sick how powerful that engine is. And best of all, it still has that new car smell. Chris is also happy that she has her own car to drive now. So everything is peachy transportation wise.

That's it for now, I'll let you get back to your inauguration coverage...

Happy New Year!

Chuck, Tracy, Richard, Amber, Kim, Chris and myself celebrated by going to Aussie Rules. There we drank up and watched dueling pianos belting out song after song. It was a lot of fun and even better, other than being really tired I felt not to bad the next day.

As we were in BC for Christmas this year we celebrated Christmas early with our Alberta families. First Chris and I went up to Edmonton and spent the day with my parents, opened gifts, and had a yummy dinner. Then a few weeks later we had our other early Christmas here in town. Michael and Kristian were kind enough to host it at their place and again, another yummy meal followed :)

As for Christmas proper it was quite the travel ordeal. Due to a combination of bad weather, bad luck, and bad airlines it took a cumulative time of 40 hours to get there and back for what normally would have been under a 4 hour round trip. If it wasn't cancelled flights it was cancelled ferries. The final straw was us having to sit on the runway for over 2 hours while we waited for someone to load the luggage which was sitting on the ground next to the plane.

For the most part I was very patient but ya, by the end of it I was close to losing it.

Still despite the hassles once we got there both Chris and I had a terrific time. We got to see George and Lori's new house that they built on their property and it was gorgeous. Talk about heaven in paradise. With all the snow as a backdrop we were in a winter wonderland.

Some of the highlights were the Beer and Rye tasting contests, going for dinner at the Laughing Oyster (our favourite restaurant there), going for walks with Carlie and Michael, risking life and limb by sledding down a steep hill in a Kayak, and finally all the wonderful food that we ate.

Pictures can be found here.

Unfortunately my mind was distracted by something else while I was there. The bad news that I mentioned in my last update is my health.

I finally got the results from my EKG and they weren't good. It confirms what I've known for years - that there's something seriously wrong with my heart. My doctor said my condition is extremely rare for someone my age and that it can be fixed by having heart surgery. The procedure she mentioned involves inserting a catheter in my groin and threading it up through an artery to my heart, inducing heart palpations, and then selectively destroying parts of my heart tissue until my rhythms return to normal. The operation can take up to 6 hours and I'm awake the whole time. Complications? Well the worst one is death.

As I sat there in shock as to what she was saying I asked the obvious question of what would happen if I did nothing. Apparently that's not much of an option as she said I would likely suffer a massive stroke sometime in the future.

I don't want to be overly dramatic about this, but I'm scared. While I've known something was wrong for years and I'm relieved that they've finally managed to document the problem, things have definitely gotten worse lately. There's been numerous times where I'm afraid to let myself fall asleep because quite frankly I don't know if I'm going to wake up. I'm in some form of discomfort most of the time and I've started having what I guess are panic attacks.

Worst of all Chris now has this additional worry to add to her own health problems.

I confided in Jay when I first found out because he's had his own issues in the past and he reminded me that all of this was coming from a General Practitioner. That I shouldn't freak out before I can talk with a Cardiac Specialist. Well I just had a chest X-ray done today and I'm scheduled at some point soon to have an ultrasound done.

So there you have it. When I find out more I'll let everyone know.