Celebrities adopting orphan children because they're rich and will have a nanny raise the child anyway is sooooo last week. The new craze is to 'accidentally' flash your jibbly bits to awaiting throngs of paparazzi.

Party girl Paris Hilton was the first, then Lindsay Lohan joined the fun, and now the latest to display their holiest of holies is none other than current train wreck Britney Spears. Nothing says 'Teen Role Model' like exposing yourself in public. That being said, I have to say....Damn! Not bad girl! K-fed was a lucky guy. I'm also going to go out on a limb and say I fully support this new fad - I eagerly await Angelina Jolie's contribution...

It was with much sorrow that I read today about the passing of George Clooney's beloved pot bellied pig, Max. Commenting on the tragedy, Clooney said "I was really surprised, because he's been a big part of my life". In other breaking news I took a crap this morning - news at 11.

And last but certainly not least I came across this picture of Keith Richards...

I have one word to say - Euthanasia. Seriously, someone should just put him out of his misery. The guy is a walking corpse.

Sure decades of drug and alcohol abuse may have prolonged his life past what's humanly possible, but he looks like absolute shit. Why would anyone pay money to go see this guy in concert? Perhaps only for the morbid hope of seeing him collapse on stage one final time? I know that sounds horrible, but come on! He's a living fossil.

The whole entertainment industry is shocked by the recent revelation by former boy-band member Lance Bass that he is in fact gay. They are shocked? You've got be kidding right? I mean, just look at him! If that isn't the poster child for 'gayness' I'm not sure what is.

I wonder if we'll now see a flood of other boy band members suddenly coming out of the closet. Right Jordan, Jonathan, Joey, Donnie, Danny, Brian, A.J., Nick, Howie, JC, Joey, Chris, and Justin? Ya, especially Justin.

Andrea Yates, the mother who drowned her 5 children ages 6 months to 7 years in a bathtub was found not guilty by reason of insanity. Maybe she should star in a new MasterCard commercial. I'm not sure what all the 'items' would be, although one would obviously be the bathtub, but the final line would read "...getting away with murder.....priceless". I mean, how dumb are American jurors? Bitch. I hope she burns in hell.

Finally I came across this advertisement the other day for Vonage, the telecommunications company. You know the one with the annoying "Are you VOIP'ing with Vonage?" jingle. I'm not exactly sure what they are selling, all I know is I want her, er, them, um, I mean the product! Damn you clever advertisers!

How is it that the kidnapping of two Israeli soldiers is justification for attacking Lebanon, a sovereign country, with the intent to “turn Lebanon’s clock back 20 years”? Predictably the Jewish loving Western media is spouting the US Administration’s spin that they are merely defending themselves. With a current death ratio of 15 to 1 I’d say they’re doing a bang-up job!

Where are the expose's on CNN about the thousands of Palestinians kidnapped from their homes, beaten and interrogated, and left to rot in Israeli jails without trial? Oh that’s right, journalists who write anything critical of Israel find their stories deemed “not newsworthy” by the editors – when they’re not being actively targeted by IDF forces in the field that is.

For that matter, where is it mentioned during the nightly newscasts that Israel’s purposeful targeting of civilian facilities (airports, power plants, bridges etc.) is defined in the Geneva Convention as constituting a war crime? Oh I forgot, Israel and their American allies subscribe to the ‘do as I say, not as I do’ train of thought.

Why is there no discussion of the grand irony in all this? That a people who were so oppressed during World War II would eventually become oppressors themselves. At what point will their actions overcome the West’s collective sense of guilt for events that happened a generation ago?

Finally, and most importantly, why is no one stating the obvious? That their stubborn adherence to the doctrine of ‘An eye for an eye’ could result in an escalation where one possible outcome is the start of World War III...

It was with much dismay that I recently read that drinking bottled water causes cancer. Apparently over time the plastic in the bottles leak some hormone mimicking chemical which turns into a type of carcinogen consisting in amounts that are 200 times above the 'safe' limit.

On the bright side it's been widely reported that drinking wine and beer have significant health benefits including a reduced risk of heart disease, cancer, and stroke. The reason? Apparently they contain small amounts of chemicals that act as anti-oxidants. The downside is that to get the maximum benefit you'd have to drink alot on a daily basis - which has the unfortunate side effects of chronic alcoholism and liver failure.

But all is not lost as researchers have now found that drinking large amounts of coffee helps to negate the damage done to your liver by drinking alcohol. According to the latest study, if you drink more than four cups of coffee a day you can reduce the risk of cirrhosis by as much as 80%.

Finally it was recently revealed that college students would much rather listen to music on their iPods than to go out and drink beer.

So what does all this mean? Well if you want to live forever all you need to do is get shit faced on a daily basis, remembering to drink at least four cups of joe while doing so. Unless of course you happen to be in college then you're screwed and although you'll be trendy you'll unfortunately end up dying a horrible, painful, death.

Chef: Hello there, children!

Kids (in unison): Hey Chef.

Chef: How's it going?

One or all of kids: Bad.

Chef: Why bad?

Kids (in unison): Maybe because you're a fucking hypocrite!

Ok, so maybe I made that last line up, but hopefully they'll include it in a future episode.

Isaac Hayes who for the past decade has provided the voice of 'Chef' in South Park has quit the show citing it's "intolerance and bigotry toward religious beliefs". Hmmm, that's odd. "In ten years and over 150 episodes of 'South Park,' Isaac never had a problem with the show making fun of Christians, Muslim, Mormons or Jews," said South Park co-creator Matt Stone.

In fact it was only a couple months ago in the New York Daily News, that Hayes was interviewed about South Park, saying "Nobody is exempted from their [creators Matt Stone and Trey Parker] humour. They're equal opportunity offenders (laughs out loud). Don't be offended by it. If you take it too seriously, you have problems."

So why the sudden change of heart? It wouldn't have anything to do with the recent episode titled 'Trapped In The Closet' in which they make fun of the Scientology cult, er, religion of which Hayes is a follower and it's whacko celeb followers Tom Cruise and John Travolta would it? No not at all.

I guess it's all fun and games until they poke fun at one's own religion...it would seem to me that Mr. Hayes is the greatest bigot of all.

On Sep 30th, a Danish newspaper published a series of caricatures deemed offensive to Muslims. Since then a firestorm of controversy has erupted as other European papers in a show of solidarity have republished the cartoons. At stake is free-speech in the Western world versus religious sensibilities in the Arab world.

Muslim reaction has (predictably) gone from boycotts of European goods to demonstrations, to issuing death threats, and ultimately to torching the Dutch embassy in Syria.

Perhaps, just perhaps, Europeans are tired of Muslim immigrants coming to their countries and issuing death threats against their authors (England), killing their filmmakers (Netherlands), or rioting in their streets (France).

The leader of Hamas, which recently swept Palestinian parliamentary elections, told an Italian newspaper that the cartoons were an "unforgivable insult" that should be punished by death.

What hypocrisy! When Aljazeera regularly broadcasts the beheadings of innocent hostages and Arab newspapers regularly portray Christians and Jews as devils and pigs.

Unlike their European counterparts, North American papers have chosen not to show the cartoons. To quote CNN 'CNN has chosen to not show the cartoons out of respect for Islam.' Is it really out of respect? Or is it because they're afraid they'll have their offices blown up?

There's something fundamentally wrong when someone thinks that the image at the left is worth taking a life.

Philippe Douste-Blazy, the French foreign minister, said: "It is not normal to caricature a whole religion as an extremist or terrorist movement." But the extreme reaction to the cartoons "would suggest the caricaturists were right," he added.

Amen to that.